When you hire a babysitter for a baby or toddler, that moment when you actually leave the house can be a little nerve-wracking. You’re in a rush to get somewhere, and you don’t want any upsets to delay your departure. But you also want to be reassured that your child is happy and content without you. So, how is the best way to leave a toddler with a babysitter?
Should You Sneak Out When Leaving Your Toddler With A Sitter?
One option is to disappear quietly when your child is playing with the babysitter; with any luck they might not notice you are gone. However, I actually think the best method is to make it clear that you’re saying goodbye, explain that you are going and that you’ll be back soon.
Why? This helps remove any misunderstanding about what’s happening. Kids are smart, even very little ones. If they don’t see you leave out the door they might start wondering where you are. They might expect you to appear any second, look for you in other rooms in the house, and be confused about what’s going on. When you’ve said goodbye it helps give them a clear message; mummy or daddy’s gone, but they’ll be back soon.
But what about younger toddlers that don’t have the language capacity to be able to understand the words you are saying?
When leaving a young toddler with a babysitter I would recommend going through the same process of saying where you’re going and that you’ll be back soon. A one year old typically understands five times more than they can verbalize. Even if they don’t understand at first, being repeatedly exposed to the words in different ‘goodbye’ scenarios will help build their vocabulary, and understand what the phrase ‘coming back’ means. This helps them to process separation anxiety and feel more confident with being left.
What if your child cries when you leave them with a babysitter?
Leaving is not just upsetting for the children themselves but for parents too. Crying can trigger all kinds of emotions in us! We can feel guilty or as if we’re doing something wrong for leaving, sometimes the easiest thing to do is just avoid all that by sneaking out. But actually, crying is part of how children process emotions. It doesn’t mean there’s anything inherently ‘wrong’ with you having a date night, or going to work, it just means that your child needs some support with their emotions so they can come out the other side. Often, once a child has expressed sadness, and fear about you leaving, they will be able to see the situation with calm and clarity. They’ll see that they are with a friendly babysitter, and can start to enjoy themselves.
How babysitters can support separation anxiety in toddlers
There are mirror neurons in our brains that reflect the moods of other people around us. When a child feels nervous and fearful; expressing their feelings with a calm adult means that their brain starts to attune to their caregiver and they let go of the upset feelings, and can start to feel calm too. Tears can be a way of clearing out stuck emotions, and once they’re gone, they feel much more happy!
If your child does cry when you leave, and you have some time to offer extra hugs, and reassuring words then that can help them to process the separation anxiety. If you need to leave right away, then an experienced babysitter can help your child through those first few emotional moments. At Tripsitta our babysitters are used to supporting young children with separation anxiety, and ensuring they settle into play once their parents have left.
Building Confidence With Future Goodbyes
One thing to bear in mind is that just because a child is upset about you leaving doesn’t mean they can’t have fun when you’re gone, or connect with other adults. Often the tears are more about the fear of separation than the reality of the situation; that they are being left with a safe person. Children need time and patience to get used to separations, but as they grow in confidence at the process of saying goodbye and hello again, they are more comfortable to spend time apart.
FAQ: How To Leave Your a Child With a Babysitter
Is it normal for a toddler to cry when I leave?
Yes, it’s a normal part of child development and doesn’t mean your child dislikes the babysitter.
Should I sneak out when leaving my toddler with a babysitter?
In most cases, a calm, clear goodbye helps children understand what’s happening and builds trust.
How long does separation anxiety last?
Many children settle within a few minutes once they become engaged in play and feel supported by their caregiver.
Will my child have fun even if they are upset at first?
Often yes. Many children cry briefly at the moment of separation and then happily enjoy their time with a babysitter.
